Drink Identifier: All the Wines in “The Menu” (2022)

The Menu (2022) stars Anya Taylor-Joy and Ralph Fiennes as jaded service workers sick of having their souls sucked out by ungrateful clients. One has to break their back delighting rich men with pleasures they barely acknowledge and the other is a sex worker.

“The Menu” is the feel-good comedy of the year for any disgruntled service worker and possibly something else for foodies. The film takes place during the last dinner service of a world-renowned chef Slowik (Ralph Fiennes) and sex worker “Margot” (Anya Taylor-Joy) who doesn’t fit into his plans.

Like the food, the movie takes its wines seriously as well. Sure it’s all pretentious fobbery, but let’s look at each of the wines served in the movie “The Menu”. And yes, all the wines featured in The Menu are real.

All the wines featured in The Menu are real.

For this Drink Identifier, assume all the guests (Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicholas Hoult, Janet McTeer, Paul Adelstein, John Leguizamo, Aimee Carrero, Reed Birney, Judith Light, Rob Yang, Arturo Castro, Mark St. Cyr) have every wine.

Actually, scratch that. John Lequizamo’s character appears to be sober in this film. A rarity for a Leguizamo character.

Pre Dinner: Lambrusco – Linda (Chef’s Mom)

Linda is Chef’s mom. Linda sits at her own table and drinks wine. Leave Linda alone.

Linda starts the movie by having a glass of Lambrusco. While fancy dry Lambruscos exist, given Linda’s age and humble origins she is probably having a sweet Lambrusco. Sweet Lambrusco was *huge* in the 70s and 80s in America.

Lambrusco is a lightly carbonated sweet red wine. Given how the rest of the wines are presented in this movie, this represents Chef’s sweet and humble, if bitterly alcoholic, home life.

Amuse-Bouche: Unnamed Rosé

An Amuse-Bouche is a pre-meal bite that Chef either uses as a surprise greeting or to set the tone for a dinner. The Menu serves “compressed and pickled cucumber melon, milk snow, and charred lace” with what appears to be a rosé wine. It’s basically goat cheese and melon.

A nice crisp rosé *would* pair lovely with melon, but it’s both basic and hilariously pretentious at once. Serves as a nice bookend to the final course of the meal a “s’more”.

1st Course: 2014 Caroline Morey Chassagne Montrachet Premier Cru

The first course is a rock with some pieces of seaweed and a scallop and it’s supposed to “taste like the island”. Which, sure. The wine is real and suuuuper expensive. We’re talking at least a few hundred dollars from a vintage that is readily available (the one in the movie looks pretty rare).

It comes from a fancy wine waker that inherited her grapes and land from her family. She also makes a product with a rich heritage that more often than not goes unappreciated by people with more money than taste. Pretty fitting for the theme.

To go with the “tastes like a rock with shit on it” course, it’s probably a white wine with some acidity to balance and add flavor to whatever the hell nonsense they’re served.

2nd Course: Unnamed Red Wine

The second course is just a few small pools of sauce. Dubbed the “breadless bread course”, it’s an exercise in futility. They don’t even bother showing a description for the wine. I don’t know what you pair with not-bread, maybe a Malbec.

3rd Course- 2013 Ross Cobb Pinot Noir

This Pinot Noir has been “hyper-decanted with an immersion blender to awaken it from its slumber” and taste’s of “Slavonian oak, rich cherry, and tobacco notes, and a faint sense of longing and regret.”

Wine and Spirits magazine described a 2013 Ross Cobb as having a “diaphanous clarity that might make you hold your breath.” Which, hey man, professional wine descriptions are bonkers.

“Hyper-decanted with an immersion blender” sounds like an insane thing to do to wine. I feel it would be all foamy and weird tasting. Apparently, hyper-decanting is a thing in the wine world, but the jury seems to be divided on whether it’s stupid or not.

4th Course- Domaine Breton Biodynamic Cabernet Franc

The sommelier describes this Cabernet Franc as “No added sulfites, a bit of barnyard funk, a wonderful match with roasted proteins.” This is more or less verbatim off this wine’s web page for Nuits d’ivresse wine. Although they throw in that it’s “aged without sulfur to preserve its fruity flavours and the masculinity of its tannins.”

I love reading marketing copy for all food and drink but wine really does seem to stand out. At least this wine won’t put you back a few hundred dollars.

The course itself is red meat, bone marrow, and pressure-cooked vegetables. All savory rich foods that probably pair very well with a fruity yet masculine red wine. RIP Jeremy.

Palate Cleanser

They just drink tea during this course. Lame, skip.

5th Course – Quintarelli Veneto Bianco Secco

Thanks to this reddit thread for pointing out this last one. I compared it to a picture on wine maker’s website and they appear to be correct.

This wine is served just to the ladies by sous chef Katherine. Reading over the reviews at cellartracker.com, it sounds like this is a clean, citrusy, medium bodied white wine.

This is paired with “Dungeness crab, fermented yoghurt whey, dried sea lettuce, umeboshi, and kelp”. An umeboshi is a pickled plum-like fruit from Japan. Hooray, we’re learning! Anyway, this dish sounds very salty and savory which the wine chosen will help balance and cut through.

An excellent choice by Katherine, even if she was driven insane by the industry.

After this course the drinking is done and the courses become more jokes than anything.

Let me know if you have a suggestion for a Drink Identifier article or if I missed something in the comments below.

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